WARNING – This post has been rated Utterly Useless (UU) by the WordPress Board of Purposeful Posting. Contains a shameless string of mildly entertaining anecdotes with no theme or subject. Readers of this post may experience an unfulfilled empty hunger for meaning followed by irritation, headache, and eventually death (symptoms may appear some years later).

Authors note: Hey! I see that warning you know! This post isn’t useless! I know I’m supposed to be working on my screenplay in this blog, but its hard … and this format is foriegn to me … I’m finding my voice … yes, that’s it! I’m finding my voice!

BEGIN POST:

All the recent activity around here by others has brought to light the complete lack of activity by me. Like the sailors on the Dutchman I too am “Part of the ship, part of the crew”. Which is fine when everyone is more “ship” than “crew”, all barnicled up and cozy, but several of my sleeping shipmates here at St Carnival have, for some reason unknownst to me, woken up and started crewing, and as I see their posts go sailing by I realize that they are now more “part of the crew” whilst I remain more “part of the ship”.

But I don’t want to be that guy anymore ! When he leans forward, peeling away from the wall, he leaves his BRAIN behind! I want to wake up and smell the sea air, I want to be like Bootstrap Bill and peel a starfish off my face!

Of course that means I’ll have to write about something … WAIT! In true SEVEN fashion I’m going to do several things at once and add distraction to this <queue trumpets> RETURN TO BLOGGING by … no, not dictating into a dangling headset microphone while riding my bicycle to work (this would result in imminent #techfail as the resulting recording ends up too windy for voice to text transcription software to translate) … no, not the highly frustrating techno-challenge of writing these blog entries in Swype on my Samsung Note Phone …

INT – DUTCHMAN BRIG
Several versions of shipmate ERIC admiring what he has written on his CELL PHONE.

ERIC ONE
My, what a well crafted sentence you have written, Eric.

ERIC TWO
Well thank you, Eric, … oh look Swype mistook too for tube
I’ll just fix… oh, my, its all gone, how lovely…

CUT TO Phone in pieces on floor.

… no, none of those, those aren’t distracting enough, I need something so distracting, so mind-numbingly slowing that the creative process will be all but choked out completely. Like Gaiia writhing on the dry barren earth gasping to produce a single sprouted seed after a particularly nasty bout of global warming. To such a pace I must be shackled.

INT – DUTCHMAN BRIG
ERIC ONE is casually inspecting his shackles.

ERIC ONE
But, why do you feel the need to be shackled, Eric?

ERIC TWO doubletakes from ERIC ONE to the shackles he wears.

ERIC TWO
But your shack… oh forget it!
Don’t ask WHY? Can’t you see I’m on a roll here!

But how then to slow slow slow the man down? (Enough with the pirate references! … Aarg)  The fact is that I have already enacted my diabolical plan to stifle my creative flow. But I better call mine Plan T, so as to not cause confusion with Plankton’s Plan Z. So what are these self imposed shackles? To be honest with you, you would know by now if you were subjected to having to read this at the pace it was written, to be really honest you would have changed channels in boredom or succumbed to a nap by now, for I am, <take a beat> going to be <hold it in> simultaneously while writing these blog entries <last pause> LEARNING TO TYPE.

EXT – DUTCHMAN DECK

The ERIC’s look a bit disapointed as the DUTCHMAN arrives at the END OF THE POST

ERIC ONE

Is that it, Eric? We go from being “part of the ship”

to being “part of the crew” to say to the world that

we are … learning to type?

ERIC TWO

Well, Eric, we only said we were getting

Back in the Saddle,we never actually said

we were going anywhere.

CUT TO clip of ornate Merry Go Round.

Note: This post was the equivalent to the knuckle cracking and spider like finger waving portion of the proverbial scene in which an author or concert piano player PREPARES TO WRITE/PLAY. Now that I have cleared my throat and warmed my voice let’s see if I have something to say…